It's difficult to resist drawing parallels (or lack of parallels) between adoption and pregnancy. If this was a pregnancy, I'd be just into the 2nd trimester. I'd probably be starting to tell everyone the happy news, I'd have an approximate due date, and I'd be buying baby stuff and decorating a nursery. I'd be planning for an event. I probably would even begin imagining what our baby will look like. In the waiting game, however, there is no due date as of yet. Not even a target date, or any sort of other date for that matter. When I try to imagine "our baby", it is faceless. It's just not "real" to me - it's almost non-existent. It's much more like a dream than any version of reality. As such, it doesn't seem natural to begin planning, buying, painting yet. All I can do is wait. For now, anyway.
Reading blogs of others who've been waiting much longer than me (6 months, 1 year, 2 years and more), the frustration that we could be waiting long-term is real and can't be ignored. I have mentioned to a few people that I would love if our facilitator would publish a monthly newsletter including some status updates. You know, "In August, we matched ____ expectant moms with waiting families, and ____ adoptions were finalized." At least I would know that adoption plans are being made, relationships are being developed, babies are going to loving homes.
I've often heard a quote that goes something like this "It's the journey, not the destination."
In retrospect, many events in my life support that statement. It's questionable if this cliche applies to the adoption waiting process. Isn't it really about the destination, the happy ending, our baby coming home? Isn't THAT the light at the end of the tunnel?
I just wish I knew if the tunnel is 3/4 mile long, or 600 miles long? (On second thought, maybe I don't want to know how long the tunnel is.) One thing is for sure - my husband is going to get sick of me asking "Are we there yet?"
7 wonderful comments:
maybe the waiting can be fun too? you will have a story to tell about where you were when you finally found out what your baby looks like, kind of like where you would have been if your water broke. It can still be a fun adventure. I admire you so very much. Best of luck to you and your husband.
Dana,
I understand everything you are saying. I myself have not been in your shoes, but my coworker/friend has. They got their little girl in China year before last. They waited a while and were very strsses, but they ended up going on every trip they could and every single thing they could do before they were parents they did. They also got a call one day that in 2 weeks they could go get her and they were told it wouldn't be for another few months at least. They got her January 2008, shes so stinking funny and cute and a little manipulator and a doggy boss. I am so excited for you!!!!!
Dana, if my wait to be matched was a pregnancy, it would be an ELEPHANT'S pregnancy lol! I hear you....I also think it's the destination in the case of adoption. The journey is the means to an end--a child. Hang in there...hope your wait is a short one, like a RABBIT's pregnancy!
Oh he wait. Ugh. It's SO unknown - which is SO hard for me, the ultimate planner! This whole process is such a humbling experience and one that shows how little control we really have over some things in life. I am praying that your wait is a peaceful one & one which the time doesn't suck you in. :)
Wow Dana, you are so strong. I cannot imagine the not knowing part. If this gives you any hope, a couple moved in across the street, and within months had a little baby boy, adopted from the southern US. Not sure how long they had to wait though.
Another friend adpoted, and it was an adventure (as they described it) going to another country and doing what they had to do to get their precious baby.
I'm sure you've heard all those types of stories.
Looking forward to seeing your baby!!!
uggh the wait...the unknown...it is a humbling expierence....somedays I feel like I am going to have a temper tantrum right in the middle of the grocery store and then other days i am very calm and embrace this time I have with my husband...with quiet.....but no it is not easy...
but it will be worth it!!!
M:)
Alas there is no GPS on the dashboard of life. But I know you have an excellent sense of direction - and you will get there before you know it!
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